Sept. 29 1983

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 Yesterday September 29 2024 my sister would have been 41. I often wonder what she would look like, if she would have had any children, where does she work, and where would she be living?  I often wonder what life would have been like had she made it here.  She is buried in Ohio where my dad's family is from.  Living in New York since I was three, I'm not sure my mom has ever been back to Ohio.  She's never been to my sister's grave.  She didn't know that my sister was buried next to my paternal grandfather and that she has a beautiful head stone.  My mom thought she was buried in the hill with all the other babies and had a cross in her name.  When my dad died a few years ago my aunt brought me to see my grandma and my sister's graves. Well, my grandma is in a drawer.  She's laying with her head in the west and feet in the east so when her soul sits up it's facing the sunrise.

If I could ever have dependable transportation of my own I'd like to drive my mom to Ohio to visit my sister.  Maybe I'm wrong but I feel like my mom needs that before she dies.  She never talks of her; I think she blocks that all out of her mind.  I doubt it.  I wouldn't be able to whether it has been a year or 41 years. 

Understanding what my mom has been through has helped our relationship in many ways.  I forgive her for mistreating me. Not only does she not remember I know it wasn't intentional. I love my mama.

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