You pay for what you don't pay for...

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 When I had my first child my mom quit her job to stay home with him while I went to work.  It wasn't always a shit show.  I definitely took advantage of that situation.  A few years in she was drinking pretty much every day and night.  She really was not the best influence though you pay for what you don't pay for.

For the past 8 years I've lived next door to someone who stole from me, talked bad about me, controlled me, used me, and tried to give me a bad name.  Everyone would ask me why in the world I would stay "friends" with someone like that.  Well you know what? I had to choose my battles.  I had to do things I felt I needed to make sure my kids had milk and bread. I wasn't working and had no way to get to a job because much of the time I've been without transportation. So I dealt with all of the bullshit to make sure my children had food and drink. You pay for what you don't pay for.

I'm vulnerable right now.  I've needed my car fixed and it's very expensive, the work that has to be done.  I can't afford it so for 3 years I've been driving with no inspection and trying to fix it in the mean time.  I've had a shit ton of different people working on the damn thing.  Free help comes with a cost which is being left without a car or having to tell someone they can't live with me.  It's unreal.   So here I am paying for what I'm not paying for. 

I need to be strong, not sorry.  

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