It's a DuBarr Thing

There is life after abuse.  I can promise anyone that. The thought of being abused never occurred to me.  I've always lacked courage even though I've been so tough.  It's been 12-13 years since I had been beaten and left for dead.  All this time has gone by and for some reason the last couple years I've been having terrible flashbacks and visions of things that happened.  It kills me what I put myself and my boys through because I was nervous, scared, vulnerable, and I was so sad.  I remember it like it was yesterday and I hate myself for feeling so stuck in those times.   We were eating dinner. My son didn't do anything wrong and my ex took it upon himself to say that he did.  He said he mouthed back and that was the reason he picked my son up by his neck, held him on the washing machine before he threw him in a cold shower.  My son was 7 years old.  My ex held me back and wouldn't let me get to my son.  There is no excuse.  I couldn't protect my son and ev

  Since I was 15 years old I've inconsistently used drugs. My drug of choice has always been meth though I've dabbled in acid, shrooms, cocaine, crack, molly, E, and pills.  The only thing I don't partake in is heroin.  I've never had any interest in it for whatever reason.  From the age of 15 I've gone in phases where I've taken breaks from everything.  Depending on who and what I had going on in my life.   It really makes a difference who you hang around.  You are who you hang with.  If you start second guessing your life and choices then you need to stop and take a look around at the people you surround yourself with.  If you don't change your atmosphere then how can you change your life?  Influence is huge pertaining to the choices we make.  If we don't have good influence then our choices won't be very good.   Don't be a follower, be a leader and always be open minded to new experiences that provide information. If you simply can't be al

I'm not sure exactly the point at which I realized that I deserved to be who I am, feel the way I feel, as well as anything I desire to work for.  Just like I have learned that I am in control of my happiness and have no control over anyone else's. I've learned that it's okay to tell someone "no". How they react from there is their own choice. If they don't like that answer, too bad.  That's on them.  However they react isn't even my business and I should never be sorry because they're angry or throwing a fit.  The answer is "no" and don't be sorry. Experience has taught me that many times we will be heading down one path, having one destination.  People fear change, they fear the unknown.  Where there is fear there is sorrow.  90% of the world are genuinely good people with good intentions.  Good people go through bad times,  It's important for everyone to always try to have a back up plan.  A lot of choices made now should h

Even though my mom was my primary resource my dad still played a huge part in my life. I always had what I needed as well as many things I didn't need.  My dad always made sure to tell me he loved me. He always called, sent me cards, sent me letters, and often sent me money.  My mom showed me a letter that she received from my dad at one point that basically thanked her for being a kind and understanding person that never pursued child support. He claimed that if she had he'd never have gotten as far as he did in life.  As for my opinion on child support, I feel that it's for absent parents not failed relationships. First I have to say that I do believe and understand that there are certain situations that are just not safe for anyone let alone a young child. Naturally no child should ever be made to go to or left in an unsafe environment. It is very sad when your child ends up in the hands of the other parent who is not stable enough and an incident occurs that unfortunate