It's a DuBarr Thing

  The idea I've had for this blog is one that I've been procrastinating on for too long.  Originally I wanted a place to go, as a mother, to vent and talk shit about everything and anything that is weighing me down or causing me to be irritable.  Currently, life has been more of a struggle and I'm aggravated.  I don't like that I have no patience or that I can't seem to show my gratitude or love to anyone, not even my kids. I wanted a place to let some of the thoughts, memories, and feelings out from the pit of my stomach. Though, I must warn you, I am vulgar and have the tendency to unintentionally hurt feelings. Please forgive me ahead of time because even though I am pretty smart, I don't know everything so I'm always seeking a lesson in every aspect of my life. Every single situation, big or small, is one that I analyze. When there isn't an outcome that I could possibly think of and someone opens my mind to one, I get truly amazed and thankful.  With...

  Today has been one of those days where all of my burdens on myself have taken turns in waves surfacing and creating havoc in my brain.  Right now I'm trying to just practice putting into words to exert all of the thoughts inside my head.   The thing is, I'd like to see how descriptive I can be in the least amount of words and to do that requires complete uninterrupted focus which isn't easy to come by. There's a continuous battle I'm in with myself and the path I've chosen.  I'm bitter, angry, lonely, and sad.  (I'm sure my emotions are running wild seeing as I've not gotten laid in months).  I'm going to be 40 this year and the saying "you don't use it you lose it" is a motto for so many aspects of life.  This one being, my lady parts.  The sad part is that I'm always horny. So my attitude problem and the chaos erupting through my brain is actually withdrawal from dick and I'm starting to develop dick deprivation.   Who k...

 Four of the most important qualities a human being should possess: 1. Genuine : possessing attributed or claimed character not counterfeit, authentic, real      -be yourself- 2. Generous : liberal in giving or sharing, unselfish      -be helpful, kind, caring, and understanding- 3. Sympathetic : harmony of or agreement in feeling as between persons or on the part of one person with respect to another      -from one person to another it's important to compromise as well as accommodate one another- 4. Empathetic : the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another      -by imagining yourself in someone else's situation to get an idea of what they're going through- Everything you need to know to get by in life you learn in Kindergarten... patience, manners, respect, self control, sharing, taking turns, picking up your mess, interacting and communicating... etc. No, ...

A few years ago I learned a great way to teach myself all I'm grateful for is to write down 3 things I'm thankful for.  Yes, my 3 kids, always though I'm talking about the little things.  Things we tend to forget or let go of in passing the days away. There are so many fortunate moments for each and every one of us that go unrecognized because paying attention to them has never been influenced. Kids need to know that their life is never promised and neither are their parents.  Sometimes when it seems life has been so unfair it turns out that it's lead us exactly where we need to be. Losing someone or a good thing ending can really run a toll on one person and forget about it if they're responsible for the safety and well being of a child or children. It may seem pretty far fetched and down right stupid though whatever we lose; whoever we lose, it teaches us.  "Our loss is another's rejoice" was the quote at the top of a drawing that displayed a person ...

Courage- the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery. When I look back in my life, there has been so many times that I've had to show courage and I flaunted it like an owner.  It's difficult to find the right words to explain how courage works in me though the one way I can think of it is "fight or flight".  When it boils down to something that is festering in my brain or a feeling I can't shake, then I have to do or say something about it. It literally lifts what feels like a heavy weight off from my shoulders. There's been many times that I've been extremely confident. My confidence tends to lean more towards the work that I do and/or when I'm comfortable. The issue with that is, uncomfortable situations are inevitable. It's part of life. The only way I will ever get beyond that uncomfortable state is by having the courage to make it through. Standing tall and proud, even throu...

 As a young girl and up through my teens I'd have thoughts about relationships, marriage, and kids, sure.  Like many other teenagers I wanted to test the waters.  The idea of being loved always inspired me to dream like a little girl but my dreams involved more nature, driving, sight seeing, sex, drugs, music, and so on.  Rather than buying a house with a white fence and starting a family I wasn't easy to be with so I spent a lot of my time doing things on my own.  Many people struggle immensely with even just the idea of being alone.  It's important never to fill the void but to be your own void.  I know for me it's the hardest thing in the world to be a good mom when your heart is breaking and I feel like that holds true for a majority of people in this world.  A lot of men grow up and want to feel like men.  They have an innate desire to provide and protect so I believe it's safe to say that they seek out prospects that help them fill thos...