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Tough Times

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 It's been quite some time since I've been able to sit and actually express the way I've been feeling lately and how it's impacted my ability to move along.  Decisions are my biggest challenge.  Half the time I feel like I don't know where I'm going or when.  I'll sit around all damn day before I get up and start getting anything done.  The symptoms of whatever it is I'm experiencing are so much worse when my children are around.  They really don't know and I don't expect them to know the type of chaos that presents itself in my mind. My daughter will stand next to me and relentlessly ask me the same thing again and again.  She doesn't take being told no very well. She's very persistent and she tries the "whoa is me" whining, which in turn only pisses me off.  For instance she will say "well I was going to ask you but I know you'll just say no" or "fine, if you don't let me then I'm going to run in the...
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I'm lucky..

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 I am thankful for my job. I'm so lucky. To be continued....
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Impatient for what?

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"I can’t wait to turn 18," the kid from next door exclaimed. In reply, I questioned whether he understood what lay ahead. He paused for a moment before admitting, "Aside from the casino, I’m not really sure." I responded, "It’s death." Death is the inevitable conclusion we all face in the end. Regardless of our pursuits, we cannot escape death. If more individuals reflected on this reality, would it encourage them to take life at a more leisurely pace instead of rushing toward their goals? I ponder what it would take for the younger generation to slow down and appreciate the beauty that exists in everyone, everywhere, if only we allow ourselves to recognize it.  The only way to instigate change is through consistent practice. We acquire knowledge every day, but the key to truly internalizing and expressing what we learn lies in diligent study. After a week or two of adjusting to a new job that demands a good night's sleep before rising early five days ...
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Phone Phobia

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 Lately I just don't feel good about myself.  I've got this phobia with using the phone and it messes with important aspects of my life.  For instance, years could pass by and each day I put off until the next calling the oral surgeon or primary care physician.  Whenever it comes to making any appointment it takes multiple breathing techniques to actually pick up and dial a number. Then more deep breaths waiting for the response.  There are many things I need to make a priority as well as initiative to get them done.  To do that I have to convince myself that it's just a phone call and it's not like the person on the other end can instantly get to me.  "It's just a phone call" I keep repeating to myself.  Sometimes to ensure I don't stutter too much or outright say something out of sorts I'll write down exactly what I want to say and how I'd respond then I'd just repeat as needed throughout my call. Having confidence and courage are 2 major...
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